My girlfriend and I have an issue. I want to live my life to the fullest till I’m around 25-30 of course not doing drugs or anything but, living – snowboarding, surfing, swimming maybe even diving. I just want to live my life with her as a bachelor, fresh out of college with a job and money to spend on things I’ve always wanted or wanted to do. She’s afraid to wait until she has kids because she was told that when you’re older it’s much harder to get pregnant. However, I have a sister that is now 35, pregnant with her second son due in a couple weeks. The first son is now 2, incredibly smart and fluent with English and sign language. Do you have any thoughts on how I could handle this impasse?
ANSWER: Well, your girlfriend has a point. It is true that fertility goes down with age, but the percentages aren’t anything to be too concerned about. Especially if she hasn’t been sleeping around much in her life. The number or partners increases the odds of getting an STD which can affect the ability to get pregnant.
That being said, it isn’t wise to do most things just out of fear of the worst possibility. Especially in this situation. Your girlfriend needs to understand that if you don’t “sow your wild oats” while you are young (with her of course), she is laying the groundwork for major marital problems – boredom and resentment on your part which will come oozing out to poison any argument you might have in the future. It will increase the likelihood of a mid-life crisis, a wandering eye, and adultery.
On top of that, I would like to call your attention to this issue as a model for how you are likely to resolve other conflicts in the future. Are you both approaching this with compromise in your hearts? Are you looking for how both can win? Perhaps by playing for X number of years (a little less perhaps than you would like, but a little more than she wants?). If you can compromise instead of each trying to “win,” you might have a chance at a successful long-term relationship.
Filed under: Disfunctional Relationships